Isms: Original views on life from rural America

To borrow from the Rolling Stones, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you’ll find, you get what you need.”

This has been one of my favorite songs since the 1970s. Yes, that admission definitely dates me.

And, its placement in the 1983 movie “The Big Chill” hits home. I thought it was an odd, albeit appropriate choice for the soundtrack. Who would’ve known a month after viewing the movie with my parents and sister, we’d be burying Laurie’s fiancé, six weeks before their wedding day, after a tragic accident took him away too soon, a parallel to the movie playing out in real life.

An article on Vox.com, with a twist to the song title, drew me in. The subtitle, “Our expectations around money are all out of whack,” hooked me.

I agree with author Emily Stewart: A lot of members of this society don’t understand the difference between a want and a need.

Shelter, food, adequate clothing and water are definite needs. We rely on those physiological elements for survival, according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs theory. The new iPhone that Viaero salesman Jon talked me into this summer, definitely a want, but he convinced me - and I convinced myself - I needed it for work.

My parents always told me that hard work would pay off, not only monetarily, but in a soulful way. Love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life kind of thinking. For the most part, they were right. I earned a lot of cash babysitting kids in our neighborhood. Starting in seventh grade, I had a summer gig that paid well, allowing me to stash some cash in savings and have a fair amount to spend.

Mom and Dad would occasionally question why I needed a certain item or two, but usually, they let me budget my money and make decisions. I don’t remember indulging excessively, although I imagine a few shopping trips resulted in higher spending than I planned.

I know as I got older, I fell into the “I need more, more, more” trap. Or, this family member bought a new car so I felt I needed an upgrade trap. Or, those friends went on a seven-day, all-inclusive trip to Mexico so I craved a vacation somewhere, anywhere trap.

In retrospect, it was dissatisfaction with parts of my life that led to the “I need more” mindset. Somewhere along the line - for me, it happened in my early 40s after my husband died - you realize you just don’t always get what you want. You get - and accept - what you need and be satisfied.

It’s nice to dream, though. I want a tropical vacation where I can lounge all day and read and swim and drink fruity drinks with an umbrella in them. I want to win Powerball or MegaMillions so I can pay off debt, make sure our kids and grandkids have a strong financial future and buy a lake house and Lincoln condo. I want an in-ground swimming pool in the back yard.

I don’t need any of that (although I’ll gladly take any of them, if luck brings them my way). I think you get to a point where the list of needs is pretty minimal and not always filled with tangibles.

Yes, shelter, food, clothing and transportation are needs. So are peacefulness without drama, quiet meditation, prayer reflection and valued friendships. And, if you try sometime, you’ll find, you get all you need.