Original views on life from rural America

If you believe in metaphysical realms, you understand that four elements - air, fire, water and earth - define your unique personality traits. And, you undoubtedly know which sun sign - the position the sun occupied at your exact moment of birth - rules your personality, sense of self and romantic compatibility.

I fall under a fire sign. I'm a Leo, an astrological diva. Hear me roar.

"The Personality of a Leo, Explained" reports Leos to be stable, loyal and consistent. The article also describes the lioness as a dedicated friend and a "fearless optimist who refuses to accept failure."

So far, spot on.

Until ... I discover an article in the "New York Post," by Reda Wigle, describing which fast food hamburger best describes each zodiac sign.

Information I've always wanted to know. (Insert eye roll.)

One would think that Leos would be defined by a specialty burger, something so unique that others would be envious.

Someone wanna explain how a Big Mac represents Leo the lion?

According to Wigle, the Big Mac is a sign of capitalism and American decadence. It's special, with its own sauce. It's always popular. Heck, it was invented by a fellow Leo, Jim Delligatti. Its earlier versions were known as the Aristocrat and the Blue Ribbon Burger.

Sorry, I'm not biting.

What burgers define other signs? Aries match with the Whopper; Taurus, the Gold Stand burger from the DBG in Philadelphia; Gemini, a triple bypass burger from Vegas's Heart Attack Grill; Cancer, a Shackburger from Shake Shack; Virgo, White Castle burgers (c'mon, it's more like a slider); Libras are diplomats, so Ray's Hell Burger it is; Scorpios match with the Juicy or Juicy Lucy, made famous in Minneapolis; Sagittarius friends are defined by the Ramen Burger; Capricorns, the basic In-N-Out Burger; Aquarius, the Superiority Burger, a quinoa-based plant patty and Pisces, well, you are defined by the Beyond Burger.

Maybe the Big Mac isn't so bad after all.

I think something a little more sophisticated defines the Leos of the world. Something with candied bacon, smoked cream cheese, raspberry habanero jelly, crispy onion strings, with a pop of Arcadian greens. Something straight outta Leadbelly's.

Or, how about an extra thick waygu patty, grilled to medium perfection, with a slice of sharp cheddar, a thick tomato slice, chopped onions, candied jalapenos and garlic aioli, served on a brioche bun?

Straight off the Traeger. It's dinner time.