-Isms: Views on life in rural America

“People who love themselves don’t hurt other people. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.”

I wonder how much the four girls charged in connection with the assault of 14-year-old Adriana Kuch hate themselves.

According to Kuch’s father, Adriana was a happy teen and a strong girl, part of a blended, loving family.

Kuch had been bullied at her New Jersey school. At the end of January, a fellow student attacked her at school and posted the video on social media platform TikTok.

The day following the brutal altercation, Kuch spoke with her father about the incident, went to her bedroom and sometime, during the middle of the night, took her life.

This wasn’t the first report of bullying-turned-into-assault at the school. Another family filed a civil suit after school district officials took no action, following a similar incident. The Kuch family is contemplating litigation against the school district and the superintendent, whose public comments following Adriana’s death blamed the young teen and her family. The administrator has since resigned.

Bullying isn’t just a Jersey problem or a coastal state concern. It’s an everywhere problem - and its happening in our area more often than you may believe.

A 2022 study, appearing in JAMA, reports adolescents who experience cyberbullying are more than four times as likely to report suicidal thoughts and attempts as those who don’t.

Data released Feb. 13, from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, shows that in 2021, three in five teenage girls felt “persistent sadness.” That’s twice the rate of boys. One in three girls “seriously considered attempting suicide.”

One in three ... what if it were your child or grandchild?

After reading about the Kuch family, I kept thinking about Mike Donahoe, who spoke to Summerland students and parents in separate presentations last month. I wish more parents would have elected to attend the meeting; his message was powerful and spot on about pressures students face.

I keep thinking about the negative effects of social media and how it affects our children and/or grandchildren, how a single snippet of time can be used to belittle and demoralize another person, based on his or her actions or reactions.

Kids aren’t the only ones who bully. Adults can be cruel too, especially as keyboard warriors who believe their first amendment right to free speech abdicates them from wrongdoing.

I believe Dan Pearce’s quote prefacing this column. Those who feel good about who they are and where they are at don’t hurt others. Those who do not like who they are, those who feel self disgust and internalize those emotions tend to lash out at others in an effort to make themselves feel better.

A family member told me once that bullying will always take place. It doesn’t have to, though. We all have the ability to make the world a better place, to treat others with dignity and respect. The choice is yours.

If you are in emotional distress or considering suicide, dial 988 to speak with a trained counselor.